May 10, 2008

• The Conversation

  Conscience: You are very evil!
  Me: What?? What are you talking about?

  Conscience: You are a very bad blogger! Bad!
  Me: Wh… Why? What did I do?

  Conscience: You can’t do “Two Truths and a Lie” questions and then not give answers for almost a month! Don’t you realize there are people all over the world who’ve done nothing for weeks but eagerly hit “refresh” on your Xanga page in hopes that you would update?
  Me: Well, I have been sort of busy…

  Conscience: You’ve taken time to sleep, haven’t you?
  Me: I sleep like six minutes a night!

  Conscience: And eat?
  Me: Ok, you got me on that one.

  Conscience: And don’t you make a cup of coffee each day?
  Me: Coffee! Ew, that sounds like a good idea. I think I’ll go get some now! ::heart rate increasing in anticipation::

  Conscience: Get back here! I’m not finished with you yet.
  Me: Well, hurry up. The coffee is calling.
  
  Conscience: Anyway, what’s up with the super glue on the rabbit and Bev’s face and the backpack?
  Me: Well, I didn’t really know if people would have a hard time guessing the right answer (although a lot of them did). I just picked them because, like any good Irishman would like, they were pretty good stories.

  Conscience: So which one is true?
  Me: I’d tell  you, but it will be easier if we ditch the “Conscience:/Me:” format …
  
  Conscience: Hmmm, ok, but only if you really tell the stories.

  As I drift back from the hazy land of weirdness …..

  Here are the answers:

  The story of the super-glued rabbit
  Once upon a time, we bought Greg a rabbit for a pet and named it Ginger Ale. She was kind of cool and got huge! I mean, she looked like a radioactive mutation.

  Ginger Ale lived out back. One day Bev noticed some open sores on the rabbit’s side. Bev put peroxide on them, only to be horrified to realize that there were worms in the sores! Wait, it gets worse.

  In a nutshell, there’s this problem that rabbits (and, I suppose other mammals) can develop. Flies lay eggs on the rabbit’s fur. The rabbit licks its fur and ingests the eggs. The eggs hatch into larvae that then eat their way out of the rabbit! This we discovered when we took Ginger Ale to the vet. Dr. Veterinarian cleaned the rabbit up, cutting out the bad parts, and put staples in her sides to hold her together.

  Shortly thereafter, we went to Ginger Ale’s cage to find that she had tried to pull on the staples and managed to get one end stuck in her lip and basically stapled her face to her side. We pulled the staple out with needle nosed pliers. She did it again a few days later, only this time ripped her lip open when we tried to help her and she yanked away.

  After the second incident, we figured enough was enough. We removed the rest of the staples and used super glue to close up the wounds. That worked very well – better than the staples, for sure. A doctor told us there’s really no difference between super glue and medical glue.

  So number one is TRUE, leading us to ….

  The story of the super glued nose
  We have a Boston Terrier named Salem who likes to jump up and nip at your face if she gets too excited. She did this to Bev once and caught her nostril, tearing it. The cut wasn’t long, but something needed to be done so it would heal nicely.

  Enter super glue. I got the handy tube and fixed the tear nicely so that the pieces matched up. Unfortunately, I did manage to glue my finger to her nose(!), but we just pulled that off (ouch!).

  Now several of you said that no woman would let an amateur glue her face. Hard as it is to believe, my wife apparently trusts me. Go figure.

  And last, the story of the super glued note
  I just made this up. There’s no truth at all.

  —-

  So how did you do. Any feedback?
  

  • 11:53 am
  • 8 Comments