Here is something for all of you non-clown-loving people, like some folks in my family.
Month: June 2006
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HeyJulieBaby got me thinking on a southern theme with a very interesting post about her family background. The same morning, two of my joke-of-the-day type emails had southern jokes in them, so I told her I would post them here in her honor.
So without further ado, here they are ...
A redneck girl was dating a fellow in Pennsylvania named
Clarence.They got into a huge fight and she told her two brothers,
Billy Bob and Billy Jim, about it.They jumped into their pickup truck and headed to
Pennsylvania to settle the score with Clarence. They reached the state line and after passing under an
overpass, Billy Bob made a quick U-turn and headed back toward home.Billy Jim asked why he had turned around.Billy Bob replied, "I ain't messing around
with that dude. Did you see that sign back there? 'Clearance 14 feet 8
inches.'"(Ok, that was really pathetic. Let's try another.)
RULES TO ENTER KANSAS (As a side note, I've never been to Kansas but I could still identify with some of these.
)
Applies to each person as they enter Kansas. Learn & remember: East Coast and California-types pay particular attention!
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are cattle & feed lots. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-70 goes east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $200,000 combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of pheasants are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish and mountain oysters. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of pheasant season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Try K-State or KU or abunch a' others. They come outa there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come home for the holidays.
16. Anhydrous Ammonia is used as a fertilizer! Let us catch you trying to "cook" something with it and we will "cook" your you-know-what!
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I got this from my dear daughter Dainty_Elegance. I'd like your input so click here -->
EDIT: Please also go here -->
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My coworkers and I were discussing this today. If you could invite four living men and four living women (public figures, celebritites, etc.) to a dinner party, whom would you invite? It was an interesting conversation. I'm not sure I have my top eight, but here is what I have so far:
Men
- Michael Card
- George Bush
- Frank Peretti or Ted Dekker
Women
- Ann Coulter
- Sara Groves
- Katharine McPhee (because Mrs. SpiderDad likes her)
What does your list look like??
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Mrs. SpiderDad and I saw X-Men III "The Last Stand" last night. Overall, I think it was my favorite of the trilogy. I've always been a comic book/science fiction fan so I love the fact that they're remaking all these old comics into movies. Spider-Man is my favorite, but the X-Men movies have been pretty good too.
This one had a pretty complex plot, and as you've heard, several main characters were ...... shall we say, eliminated in one way or another. Good movie though if you like that kind of thing. For those of you that saw it, what did you think? Try not to ruin it for anyone else though.
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Here are three interesting quotes from the awesome Michael Card, one of my favorite musicians of all time. One of the things I so appreciate about Michael is how deep he is, both in his lyrics and his thought process. I've met him once in person, but it would be awesome to sit down with him for an extended period some time and listen to him teach or discuss spiritual things with him.
And so what does our friend Michael have to say? Read on ...
·
"The lyrics of a good number of the songs don't
betray anything specifically Christian - they may have some moral message, but
not a lot of the big songs are identifiably Christian. . . 'What happens to the
message when we start getting the music to as many people as possible?' There
is an essential part of the gospel that's not ever going to sell. The gospel is
good news, but it is also bad news: 'You are a sinner, and you are hopeless.'
How is a multimillion-dollar record company going to take that? That's a part
of the message, too, and if that's taken out - and it frequently is in
Christian music - it ceases to be the gospel." (Christianity Today, May 20, 1996)·
"The direction and value system are getting worse
faster than any of us can imagine." (Christianity
Today, May 20, 1996) [SpiderDad's note: Remember that he said this 10 years ago!]·
"Now, the industry is celebrity-driven. The song
is almost irrelevant. The focus is on the PERSON, and songs have become
disposable." (Christianity Today, May 20, 1996)--------------
So what do you think?
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