There’s a contestant on this season’s The Biggest Loser that particularly irks me. Tonight I noticed again how manipulative she is. Pondering this reminded me of several other manipulative people I’ve had the (dis)pleasure of knowing.
As a public service, I present to you this list of …
Common Traits of Manipulative People
- The manipulative person thrives on drama.
They want commotion, upheaval and angst. Maybe they like it this way because it gives them more opportunity to exert their influence. - The manipulative person doesn’t want to be seen as the cause of the drama.
While they are often around drama, they’ll encourage other people to start or continue the fuss. “You should complain about that … That’s not fair that you’ve been treated that way … I wouldn’t take that from them if I were you …” While they like the upheaval, they sense that being the cause of it will reflect poorly on them, costing them the influence they crave. - The manipulative person exerts an odd amount of influence on groups.
I find this the most puzzling. I expect that the manipulator’s true colors would show through and others would spot it. But I guess that’s the point of manipulation – the stooge doesn’t get it. Occasionally you’ll see someone momentarily grasp the situation (“I can’t believe they got me to do that!”), but it seldom lasts. Partially, this is because the rest of the group is still being led about, so the person with the epiphany puts their distrust away and figures they must be wrong and the group must be right. - The manipulative person piggybacks on the credibility or authority of someone else.
I experienced this firsthand. A manipulator I knew began to lose credibility because of the constant upheaval in their wake. So this person roped in someone else – someone we as a group still trusted – to help present their case. We allowed our group to be led down a path of action because we trusted the second person, though we distrusted the first (the manipulator). - The manipulative person quotes others or drops names.
It’s easier to control someone if a crowd agrees with you – or at least you can make it seem like they do! So the manipulator will quote or refer to others in an attempt to bolster his case. He’ll drop names. He’ll imply he’s only acting to help someone else. He’ll say that other people – many other people – believe the same way that he does. All the while he’s using the amorphous group to manipulate someone into a certain course of action. - The manipulative person often portrays himself as a victim.
This happens in several ways. Sometimes the manipulator suggests that he’s acting to protect another. “I wouldn’t have said anything, but this person’s actions forced me to.” On the other hand, once others begin to recognize his actions for what they are, he’ll play the martyr card. “Poor me. I’m just speaking the truth and everyone attacks me for it.” This does two things – it silences those objecting to the manipulative behavior, and it engenders support from those who have yet to recognize the manipulator for whom he really is. As this progresses, it widens the circle of influence and decrease the effectiveness of those objecting.
There will always be manipulative people trying to get you to do something. Knowing these traits and developing a knack for recognizing them quickly will save you lots of trouble.
It’s especially important to recognize this person if you’re in a position of influence or authority. If someone can manipulate you, they will steer the course of many other people.
Are there any other traits I missed? Do you recognize these characteristics in yourself? Have you ever found yourself to have been manipulated?
